he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize