Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
