Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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