my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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