I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
