At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i think i scared a bird with my dick
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
