You just made me feel so damn special
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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