After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
