I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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