sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
