He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
