census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
