This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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