I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
