dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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