first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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