how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
