I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
