lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
