All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
