Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
