Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
