Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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