he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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