I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
