Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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