My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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