is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
