I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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