Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
