So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Randomize
