Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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