the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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