Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
