Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
