So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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