I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
