At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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