your parents love me but you hate me
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
