On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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