absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
