Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
