Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's blow job season.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize