im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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