I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
