dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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