Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
