somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
