dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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