i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
well I can't set my house on fire every night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
