Whod you bang
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize