Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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