Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Drake has all the answers
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
