can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's Friday. Sex?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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