Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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