OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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