maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I deserve this hangover.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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