'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
